The Gottman Method is a form of couples therapy created by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman.

The goal of the Gottman Method is to help couples improve communication by addressing conflicts, foster intimacy, respect, and affection, eliminate barriers that contribute to feelings of stagnation, and cultivate deeper empathy and understanding within the relationship. I work with this theory with some of my clients for them to meet each others needs.

The Gottman Method is grounded in over four decades of research. Throughout this time, Dr. John Gottman has conducted hundreds of empirical studies with more than 3,000 couples. Alongside his colleague Robert Levenson, he carried out a series of longitudinal studies that revealed the key factor in whether marriages end in divorce or thrive lies in how couples interact with one another.

Every couple experiences arguments and negative interactions, but Gottman discovered that the key to whether couples stay together or divorce lies in how they manage conflict and express their emotions.

Couples who remain together maintain a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every negative one during conflict. On the other hand, couples who divorce tend to exhibit behaviours that Gottman calls the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse," which include:

• Criticism

• Defensiveness Behaviour

• Contempt

• Stonewalling (withdrawing from interaction)

  The Sound Relationship House, a metaphor for a strong and secure marriage, identifies seven key "floors" that couples can move through to deepen their relationship, supported by two vital "weight-bearing walls" that hold the couple together. These elements were outlined by The Gottman Institute in 2021.

  Here’s a breakdown of the seven floors:

  • Build Love Maps: The first floor emphasises the importance of couples deeply understanding each other’s inner psychological worlds.

  • Share Fondness and Admiration: On this floor, couples learn to openly express appreciation and respect for one another, reinforcing their connection.

  • Turn Towards, Not Away: This floor focuses on responding to your partner’s need for attention, affection, and comfort, showing that you notice and care for their emotional needs.

  • The Positive Perspective: Here, partners learn to view each other through a positive lens, interpreting mistakes as circumstantial rather than personal failures.

  • Manage Conflict: This floor introduces a three-step process for managing conflict: first, by acknowledging each other's feelings; second, discussing issues calmly; and third, learning self-soothing techniques to stay composed during emotional moments.

  • Make Life Dreams Come True: On this floor, couples support and encourage each other’s dreams and aspirations, helping each partner achieve their goals.

  • Create Shared Meaning: The final floor focuses on discovering the shared inner world of the couple, exploring the rituals, values, and stories that are significant to both.

  At the foundation of the Sound Relationship House are the two weight-bearing walls:

  • Trust: This wall helps couples feel they can depend on each other and function as a united team.

  • Commitment: This wall ensures that both partners are dedicated to sticking together and continuously improving their relationship.

  Together, these components create a solid structure for a lasting and thriving relationship.