Developed in 1980 by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Relationship Therapy is a powerful form of couples counseling designed to turn conflict into opportunities for healing, growth, and deeper connection. It centers on the belief that relationship struggles are not just obstacles—they're keys to transformation.
The term “imago” comes from Latin, meaning “image,” and refers to the unconscious mental picture we form in childhood about what love looks and feels like. These early experiences shape our expectations and sensitivities in adult relationships. For example, someone who grew up feeling constantly criticised may become especially reactive to even minor critique from a partner. Similarly, unresolved childhood feelings of abandonment or neglect often resurface in intimate relationships later in life.
When these deep-rooted emotional wounds—our core issues—are triggered again and again by a partner, they can begin to cloud the relationship, making us question whether we’ve chosen the right person. But Imago therapy teaches us that these painful moments are not signs of failure—they’re invitations to heal.
By learning to truly understand one another’s feelings and unmet childhood needs, couples can begin to shift from unconscious reactivity to conscious empathy. This process helps them co-create a “Conscious Relationship”—one based on mutual respect, emotional safety, and genuine understanding.
Why do we fall in—and out of—love?
What’s really happening when couples fight?
To understand the hidden dynamics of romantic relationships, we have to look at human development - how we grow, adapt, and relate to the world.
At birth, we enter life in a state of natural joy and wholeness. If our caregivers are responsive, nurturing, and emotionally present, we feel safe, alive, and connected. But no parent is perfect. Even in loving homes, caregivers are sometimes tired, stressed, distracted, or emotionally unavailable. This inconsistency creates ruptures in our sense of safety.
As young children, we don’t understand why our needs aren’t met—we just know we feel fear or pain. In response, we develop coping mechanisms: some cry for attention, others shut down emotionally. Over time, we’re also socialized—taught which behaviors are acceptable and which aren’t. In order to be loved and accepted, we begin to hide or reject parts of ourselves.
The result? We lose touch with our true, whole selves. Some of us had “good enough” parenting and learned to adapt reasonably well. Others carry deeper emotional wounds. But all of us, in some way, were shaped by early emotional gaps—and these wounds often remain buried in the unconscious.
Outwardly, we seem like functional adults. But emotionally, we’re still longing to feel the sense of aliveness and wholeness we once knew.
That’s where romantic love comes in. When we fall in love, it feels like we’ve rediscovered that lost joy. The world feels vivid, exciting, and full of possibility. We feel alive, seen, and safe. We let our guards down. We become more spontaneous, loving, open.
But over time, as the initial euphoria fades, our old wounds resurface. The very person who made us feel whole begins to trigger our deepest insecurities. This is where many couples get stuck—but it’s also where healing can begin.
Imago Relationship Therapy helps couples navigate this journey consciously. Rather than running from conflict, it invites us to lean in—with compassion, curiosity, and courage—so we can heal old wounds and build a love that’s grounded, enduring, and real.